Bad Sex Day
by MontegoBabe
Summary: You know how bad hair days are right? How awful they are? Well, today was just like that except instead of a bad hair day it was a bad sex day. A really bad sex day... Humor based on life Babe


DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.

A/N: This is a totally different type of one shot than my other two. This one is purely for the fun of it. This is basically real life with a little embellishment, which means, yes, some of this did happen and yes, I will admit I was one who went through this. Anyway using the Plum characters I decided to embarrass them a bit and see how it goes.

Montego

……………………………..

You know how bad hair days are right? How awful they are? Well, today was just like that except instead of a bad hair day it was a bad sex day. A _really_ bad sex day, but I'm getting ahead of myself here…

My hormones had been acting up for almost month now and my shower massager could only do so much. And considering Joe and I had entered into a permanent state of friendship I couldn't very well ask him if Bob missed me, so he was out of the question. And frankly, I don't know if I could handle going up to Ranger and asking him to sleep with me. Talk about a rush! Anyway it all started at about lunch time when Ranger came to talk to me about a distraction….

The TV was blaring Ghostbusters and since it was Sunday night I allowed myself to get some quality down time. I had a tastykake box next to me and a bottle of Corona in my other hand, a pair of comfy old sweats on and an old Ranger's jersey. Life was good.

"That stuff will kill you."

Christ! "Don't you ever freaking knock!" I picked up the tastykake box from the floor and resettled my Corona bottle before looking over the couch at Ranger.

"That takes away half the fun," he told me. He sat down on the opposite end of the couch and turned down the movie. "I got a job for you. A small distraction tonight."

Unwrapping another tastykake I asked, "What time?"

"Ten. I'll be here at nine to fill you in the details." He grabbed the box from me and placed it on the table. "Bad for the body," he told me getting up.

"But good for the hormones," taking the box back. Quick as a flash his arms boxed my head in and my body was rooted to the spot as his hovered above mine. I dropped the box when he bent his head to my neck and tentatively kissed it. I gasped when without warning he softly bit the same spot before going towards my ear, "Anything I can do to help?"

_Uh!_

He chuckled quietly before moving away from spot and I'm pretty sure I whimpered at the loss of contact. "Let me know," and then he was gone, and I was reaching for the tastykake box again. I blew out a breath when I realized I didn't have anything to wear tonight and reluctantly got up from my warm spot.

Getting dressed quickly I spent the rest of the day wandering around the mall, and since he never told my how I should dress I decided to go with a simple skirt and low shirt. There was no way in hell I was going to call him. Although I could use a little help—NO!

When I got home it was almost seven and by the time I took my shower and did my hair it was close to eight. Knowing I had to get changed anyway I put on the last clean pair underwear I had, my sweats and my good bra before settling in front of the bathroom mirror to do my make-up.

When I heard the locks tumbling I knew it was nine and that I better hurry. "In the bathroom!" I shouted. "Shoot," I let out when my mascara tube dropped. I bent down to get it but was grateful when it had only gotten caught between the doors of the sink cabinet. I don't know what happened next but it must have caught on something because the next thing I knew the contents of my cabinet were spilling out on the floor.

"Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!"

"You okay?"

"Just peachy!" I shouted back. I began shoving everything back in when something bit me-poked me-cut me, whatever! It hurt like hell and I'm pretty sure I screamed before I put my finger in my mouth.

The door opened with a _whoosh _and Ranger stood there looking for some kind of danger.

"You should have told me I'd have come help," he grinned.

Puzzled I gave him a 'what the hell are you talking about' look, and he directed me towards the hand whose finger was currently in my mouth trying to absorb some of the pain. Looking down but not removing the suffering finger I realized I was holding the Herbie Horsecock I'd gotten from Pleasures and Treasures with Lula. I forgot it was under the sink.

Embarrassed I dropped it and quickly stood up away from it only to have it roll next to Ranger's feet, which wasn't the worst part, no, somehow during its little roll across the floor the stupid button was pushed and it was now softly vibrating and I, well, I was getting hot.

Slowly he bent down and picked the thing up and I shivered. He held it out to me and his eyes were almost black, his voice husky when he said, "I bet I can do better."

Trying to ignore the other rush I was starting to get I grabbed it, turned it off and threw it under the sink, before I told him to go. He grinned at me like he knew what I was thinking—well he probably did.

Way to go Plum, I chastised myself. I closed my eyes tight trying to calm down the hum of my hormones but they didn't want to listen. My month of celibacy needed to end I was getting too desperate.

When I looked into the mirror I groaned as the shape of my nipples were clearly seen. Since I figured nothing else could further embarrass me I left the safety of the bathroom and headed to my room to get changed. Ranger was laid rather comfortably on my bed, with his hands behind his head and his ankles crossed and at once I got a vision of riding him like Zorro and it left me panting a little. A fact that wasn't missed to him as he grabbed me by the hips and covered my mouth with his.

You don't mess with a desperate, hormonal, horny woman and not expect something to happen!

I pulled at his shirt wanting to touch his skin and he helped pull it off as we walked towards the bed. I unbuttoned his cargos and his slipped out of his socks and boots. I pushed him to sit on the edge of my bed and he trailed kisses across my stomach. Stepping back and out of his grip I reached back slowly to undo my bra. I had planned for the material to fall to the floor in a seductive kind of way but the cups got stuck under my breast and just hung there. I don't think I ever blushed so hard.

It didn't matter to him though, he gave a quiet laugh and pulled the offending material away from my body and replaced it with his hands and mouth. I groaned at the sensation but I didn't have time for this. Sensing my need he pulled at my sweats and I kicked them off only to notice he had paused in his movements.

Oh god, I thought, I had forgotten I had put on the last pair of clean undies I had on and unfortunately they were—

"Today's Sunday Babe, not Tuesday." I lied about never blushing so hard before. I hurriedly took them off hoping to distract him with something a little more to his liking. And it worked. And I was back on track.

I pushed his shoulders wanting him to lie down as I straddled him. His hands remained firmly on my ass as mine were everywhere. I pushed his hands away and pressed them down against his sides wanting him to keep them there. I wanted to try something a little different.

He kept still as I trailed my hands down his chest, my mouth following after. He was almost completely still when I got down to his abs and he gripped the sheets when I moved a little lower. My hands rested on his thighs and I barely breathed on it when he suddenly jerked up without warning.

"Christ!" I yelled, jumping to a sitting position. "What the hell?!"

But he was laughing, and I don't mean the usual small haha laugh, I mean a deep-throw-your-head-back-and-hold-your-sides-till-you-almost-cry laugh. I couldn't believe it. How humiliating. I kept my hand over my eye still not quite wanting to believe that happened. "I just-did I-oh my god I just got poked in the eye by your—"

"Babe!" He choked out, coming down at least a little bit from his laughing fit. I've never seen him like that before. And _this _time I swear I never blushed so hard. And I was quickly losing the desire to have sex--almost.

Wanting to get back on track I was little more forceful that I thought and well-you know that line of sarcasm people say when someone gets caught cheating? You know the one that goes, "What did you fall and his lips caught you?" (but the more inappropriate one) Well, as humiliating as it sounds (it was actually much worst), when I tried to straddle him once again my foot got caught in the sheets and I lurched forward, fortunately (depending how you looked at it) my aim was spot on and he was suddenly at a loss for words, but unfortunately, as soon as that happened my inner walls clenched and I came automatically without a bit of movement.

I _swear _that_ this _timewas the hardest time I blushed, promise! That one won. I groaned, whether from embarrassment or the completion of act I wasn't sure, but I was embarrassed and sated all at once and he was looking directly at me.

"Sorry," I said automatically. And when he didn't respond I shrugged my shoulders and told him, "Bad sex day?"

Before I knew it I was flipped over onto my back and he pressed his hips against mine before telling me, "Then let's make it better."

And then I was completely lost in him and the following sensations. I think we made up for my lack of sex month.

Although I wondered whatever happened to that skip I was suppose to distract.


End file.
